Ep 101 It’s Not Guilt. It’s Grief: Mental Health, Motherhood & Faith

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[00:00:00] Misty: You know, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about things that we carry quietly. The worry that wakes you up at 2:00 AM, the child that you’re watching struggle and you can’t quite name what’s wrong. The marriage that’s had some really hard seasons, maybe even a season that you’re in right now.

The feeling that something is off, but you don’t know who to call or what you would even say. Well, May is National Mental Health Awareness Month, and I wanna pause right here for just a second, because I think for a lot of us, mental health still feels like a topic that belongs over there in a clinical office with someone else’s family.

But here’s something I’ve recently learned. It’s closer than you think. Do you know that one in five people live with a diagnosable mental health condition? One in five. That’s not a small number. That’s your small group. That’s your carpool. It’s possibly even your own home, and yet we don’t talk about it, especially in the church.

My guest today has lived this from the inside as a wife and as a mom, and she said something that really caught my attention. She said, “The church tends to want people who are faithful and show up versus getting down and knowing their people and being okay with a little mess.” I think we have some growing to do, and I think this conversation is a really good place to start.

[00:02:06] Kelly: So I think it’s one out of five that live with a mental health condition, and one out of 20 that have a serious mental illness, one in five people have a mental health condition.

Let’s just say it’s a church of 100 people. 20 people out of that church live with a diagnosable mental health condition, which means it affects their behavior. It affects the way they think. It’s, it affects they, the way they perceive life, the way they interact with people, their relationships, their financial decisions.

It affects their professional world.

So- To think that we don’t know anybody or that we don’t interact with people with mental health conditions is just simply wrong.

[00:02:43] Misty: That’s Kelli Jackson, and she’s our guest today on Mom to Mom Mentoring. Kelli is the executive director of NAMI Johnson County. That’s the National Alliance on Mental Illness. She’s also a mom who has walked one of the harder roads. She’s going to bring you into her story, and I think you are going to find yourself in it somewhere.

Before I bring Kelly in, I want to share a few things that I’d like you to be listening for in today’s episode. First, the difference between guilt and grief when your child receives a diagnosis.

It’s a distinction that just might set something free in you. Second, what it actually looks like to be an expert observer of your child. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be paying attention. And third, this is how one mom’s daily rhythm has held her through years of crisis, uncertainty, and the kind of hard that doesn’t always have a clean, [00:04:00] ending.

This episode is for the mom who’s had a quiet feeling that she couldn’t name, the one who’s wondered if she’s the only one, the one who loves someone tenaciously, who sees the world through different eyes and doesn’t always know what to do with that. You’re not alone, and you are in the right place.

Let’s get into it.

kelli, we are so glad that you are here with us, and this May is National Mental Health Month, and so it’s very timely that you are here. And I wanna get into more of your story, but let’s pause real quick because tell us what NAMI is,

[00:04:58] Kelly: So NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness, N-A-M-I, and it’s actually the nation’s largest grassroots nonprofit organization for mental health advocacy. so if somebody’s listening from a whole different state, or city, there’s probably a NAMI close to you.

And NAMI leads with lived experience, which means that we take a different perspective than a clinician. So somebody that you go see like, a therapist or a psychiatrist for medication or treatment may not experience some of the things that you experience on an everyday basis. But when you come into a room of people that have taken the same medication you have, that have experienced some of the same th- the same systematic issues that you have, that have had the same struggles when it comes to relationships or jobs or finances, it’s a completely different perspective.

 Because it’s just like a friend who’s gone through it before you. And so we bring evidence-based practices along with this lived experience expertise that, just makes this very special community of people who are willing to share about their mental health conditions, but also pursue understanding and empathy with those in their lives that live with mental health conditions.

So we do a lot of support groups. We do a lot of classes, a lot of education programs, a lot of working with corporate offices to make sure that they know how to really help their employees with mental health conditions. We work with schools and police officers and justice departments and things like that to really advocate for the voice of those who live with mental health issues.

[00:06:32] Misty: that’s why I’m so excited to have you here. ‘Cause we could have doctors on that could tell us clinically. But you have the mother’s heart that has actually walked through this, and that’s why when you say the lived experience, But, the idea of a mental health organization- that can be unnerving just from the onset we don’t want to, think about the fact that our child could have, mental health challenges.

Can you explain? When you talk about this mental health umbrella, what all are you talking about?

[00:07:11] Kelly: we look at mental health as a biological condition. So when the brain has, a different amount of chemicals or the structure is off it creates some behaviors and patterns in, in people that show as behaviors.

 people, think mental health or mental illness, that’s a really, stigmatized word.

 as schizophrenia or a bipolar disorder. those are some really scary diagnoses, but unfortunately most of us are living with something or have somebody in our lives that is living with a mental health condition.

It’s everywhere at all times, you had mentioned ADHD and things like that. So mental health conditions are on a spectrum. So you and I could both have an anxiety disorder, but it really depends on how great it interferes with your life in regards to [00:08:00] how great of a treatment you would get, right?

Okay. So if I have an anxiety disorder and maybe I didn’t sleep very well, um, I got headaches a lot, and my stomach hurts before big meetings and, and meeting new people versus somebody who has an anxiety disorder that can’t leave their house because they are so afraid of what that outside world has, you get what I’m saying. that spectrum depends on what level of treatment we need.

[00:08:24] Misty: I want to dive into your journey a little bit now that we have some understanding about what, NAMI is and a little bit of insight about what mental health disorders are and the spectrum

So take us back to the beginning for you. what happened in your family that drew you into this field that you’re now in and leading?

[00:08:50] Kelly: it started a while ago with my husband.

 we were married about 24 years ago and we, worked together for a church with our family members, and everything was great. And then, He decided pursue an education in seminary. He was a pastor as well. when that did, we had a lot of family conflict.

 It was just a very stressful season for us, and I noticed him just doing some things when he was in grad school, that was just so unusual. like he would write his papers, turn them in, go back, rewrite the papers, turn them in, go back, rewrite the papers, turn them in.

Like he couldn’t stop and just close that door and turn the paper in, let it go, and move on. He was fixated and stuck. He also dealt with just a tremendous amount of issues with sleep. And so we were noticing he could get jobs, he could work and then something would happen that would just blow it up, and this happened time and time again, and we couldn’t figure out what the problem was. the underlying things that were going on that I was like, “Man, something’s just not clicking.”

We moved to Kansas City from Phoenix,

he was in bed for almost a year straight. He was so depressed, he did everything he possibly could, and he was just paralyzed with depression. And that was a huge eye-opener, that I was, like, really calling out to God because it was so new. We were so desperate for help. We’d moved to a new city. We wanted to make friends. We wanted to find a church. We wanted to find good jobs. And man, we just couldn’t because he was not okay.

 fast-forward to his 40th birthday, and we planned a trip to Branson. We stayed at one of these fun hotel resort things where you do the waterpark and the go-karts and all that stuff, and it was for his 40th birthday.

And he said, One night, “You guys go. Go ahead, enjoy the go-karts. I’m just gonna get to bed early, okay?” Well, little did I know, that night he was planning to take his life, and thankfully God intervened. And really encouraged his soul to stay.

And when we got back home from that vacation, I don’t think I understood the magnitude of what had happened on that trip until later in life. But that’s when he started for seeking professional help.

he got a referral to a psychiatrist who did a full neuropsych exam and discovered that he had a brain injury when he was 11 months old, he fell out of a high chair. mind you, this is in the ’70s. So he fell out of a high chair, hit the back of his head, and then was crying and went to go get his dad, who was in the bathroom shaving, and he crawled on the toilet and fell off the toilet and hit the back of his head.

So basically two- Wow … concussions back to back. And then they put him to bed. he ended up in a coma for three days. brain health or a traumatic brain injury, like a TBI, actually affects mental health later in life.

 we never connected the dots that there was something that happened when he was really young. that started our journey to, really understand what was going on with him. And I had a coworker whose granddaughter suffered from some mental health conditions, and she said, “I just took this [00:12:00] class from NAMI.

It’s called Family to Family, and it is a, a, like a free class to learn about mental health conditions and how to help your loved one.” I’m like, “Great. I’ll sign up.” So I signed up for this class, and I walk into this room of 25 people-

…

Who were in the same level of unique chaos that I was living in.

And through those months in that class, I learned how the brain works.

I learned how medication works. I learned how treatment works, how therapy and different levels of therapy, and how to use your insurance, and how do I communicate in a more, gentle way there was so much. So at that point, my goal was like, “I’m gonna be a teacher. I want to be a Family2Family teacher.”

2017 is a pretty pivotal year for our family, my daughter fell out of a swing and hit the back of her head.

She was 10 years old. And had a really bad concussion. that concussion lasted for months.

So normally they want the kids to return within three days, come back to school, get back to life as usual. The brain kind of heals really quickly when you’re connected.

Not with her. She was in a lot of pain. And lights were very sensitive to her. Sound was very sensitive to her. she would get dizzy and nauseous going down an aisle at Target She couldn’t go back to school for months. She had to wear a hat ’cause the lights were so bright. at that point, things changed for her.

I was noticing that at night she was having these major meltdowns.

So she was just she was diagnosed with a disruptive mood disorder.

 she’s 10 years old, struggling through school, struggling to get through the next year. And then, when she turned 11, it was in February, she decided… to walk to school. she actually walked away from school, and for hours wandered around barefoot in February with no jacket on. A number of people had called the police on her saying, “There’s this young girl with no parent wandering around during a school day, and come get her.”

 we had no clue that she had left school. We had no idea. she was super flat, very blank expression. Obviously just exhausted and worn out from the whole experience.

 I asked her, “So what made you run away?” And she said, “I wanted to do what the voices told me to do.” And so that’s when we realized she was dealing with psychosis,

she was hearing voices. She was seeing things that weren’t there. She was really in a different world, that was really scary.

 thankfully the school, got involved really quickly, and they had her on a 504, and so we were able to have accommodations with school. Half the time she just needed to break. It was just sensory overload.

 we started a lot of therapeutic journeys, lots of, medication trials, trying to figure out what is the best for her that was incredibly difficult. when you’re dealing with a child with a mental health condition that’s pretty extreme, you learn to live in the chaos. you kind of like rationalize a couple things. But every once in a while, a professional will come along and say, “No.” Like, “She needs professional treatment, and she needs more treatment than what she’s getting.”

[00:15:05] Misty: I’m sure you just wanted to give her the freedom, and yourself, like, oh, this is just normal.

[00:15:11] Kelly: Yeah. Like- Right … we’re just gonna get through each day and make sure she’s okay, and but really not understanding the big picture of mental health.

the goal is to grow our kids so they can advocate for themselves no matter what.

And if it’s advocating for mental health, she’s got to understand herself.

 her signs and symptoms and her triggers like, lack of sleep or skipping her meds or… she has got to own her treatment as a young adult, and so we’ve worked towards that with baby steps.

[00:15:42] Misty: you said your goal as a parent is to teach your child to advocate for themselves, not to take care of them and not to do it for them. That had to be a hard thing to come into, didn’t it? [00:16:00] Because, come on, we’re moms You say it very confidently.

But was there a journey to get there?

[00:16:06] Kelly: Oh,

[00:16:07] Misty: yeah. Yeah?

[00:16:08] Kelly: The first step is really acceptance and, p- my child’s brain works different. My child, Like in NAMI, we look at, we call it the second hit. So a, a brain a lot of times has a genetic disposition to develop a mental health condition.

So a lot of mental health conditions are genetic. I can look up my family line and see the mood disorders. Rudy can look up his family line and see mood disorders and see other things. And so it’s not usually a big shock, it’s just more of a embracing it and accepting it.

 to hear that your child lives with a mood disorder or autism or ADHD or, OCD or schizophrenia.

I mean, any mental health condition can sometimes feel like a death sentence. Like, is my child gonna have any quality of life based on the fact of how she was diagnosed today?

That’s a very real emotion. And then- Life goes on, which means we have to take what we’ve learned and adapt.

like we’ve learned with my daughter, she’s had a number of different diagnoses because she’s growing up. this world is changing. a lot of circumstances have changed, medication changes, therapists change.

We appreciate the diagnosis process, but we also have to understand, maybe it’s not accurate a lot of therapeutic measures gives you skills and tools so that you can work through the negative side of having a mental health condition.

 one thing we say at NAMI is you do not have to be an expert at mental health, but you do have to be an expert observer of your loved one.

Because behavioral changes can happen overnight.

[00:17:43] Kelly: And a lot of times it’s reflected in sleep patterns-

Eating patterns-

spending patterns, work or school performance.

[00:17:52] Misty: you’re noticing these things, at those early onset- awareness, that’s the time to- Yes … just check it out.

[00:18:02] Kelly: Yes. And I learned to trust the teachers. They are experts on children, and they work with loads of children all day long. So if they see something that is not-

working with the flow of, typical child development or a typical social behavior I have learned to trust them. Ever since kindergarten we were getting reports that our daughter was having a really hard time fitting in.

she was diagnosed with ADHD early, really early on, and that was pretty obvious to us.

[00:18:30] Misty: what about guilt? this is your baby that you brought into the world, and you’re supposed to be a great mom and make sure everything is okay.

 So guilt, is there any of that?

[00:18:45] Kelly: So I wouldn’t say it’s guilt.

[00:18:47] Misty: I think

[00:18:47] Kelly: it’s grief.

 you’re grieving the child you thought you were gonna have.

And so guilt means that I caused it. I did not cause it. Yeah. It is a biological illness that she was predisposed to, and it was God-ordained.

And I know that is hard to swallow when it causes so much suffering, but we know suffering is just a part of life.

[00:19:07] Kelly: And God is with us. No matter if, no matter what the scale of suffering is, He is still with us.

[00:19:14] Kelly: And we can trust Him. And we can walk with Him through this.

 He can guide us. And listen, God has guided us. He guides me with medication He guides me with wisdom He has brought things to my attention like, “Go check on her now. She’s not okay.” God has parented me to parent her.

 And it has been a very unique experience. Like, I feel very connected to my children through this process of just incredible amounts of prayer, I think grief- the better word is that I am sad for the things she’s experienced.

[00:19:48] Misty: How do we find the right therapist for our child? that feels overwhelming just to say it.

[00:19:58] Kelly: I’m gonna just tell you my [00:20:00] process. based on age, okay? So when your child is young, they’re under the age of 12 and they’re exhibiting some mood swings.

Maybe they need to be evaluated for autism ADHD, something like that. so step one, call your insurance.

you really do wanna make sure it’s covered in your plan. because mental health conditions require a lot of treatments, so it’s not a one and done. then I go on psychologytoday.com, and that’s a website where I can search based on my insurance, based on my location. virtual or in person? do I want them experts? Like let’s just say our child’s lived through some extreme trauma,

Having a trauma therapist, somebody that specializes in that, is so valuable. And you wanna cut through the noise of just finding a generalist to somebody who’s a specialist.

The other thing I do is I bring my child in for a 15-minute meet and greet, and then I leave it up to them.

And I say, “Dear daughter- it’s your turn to ask some questions. Do you feel like you can talk to her? Do you feel like she’s trustworthy? some people feel, “I feel judged. I feel I don’t wanna open up to them,” Let them decide. This is where you’re teaching them to advocate, is that this is your choice.

 in the beginning when my daughter was going through a lot of this stuff, I saw it as disciplinary I saw it as rebellion. and I was wrong. I was dead wrong. And there’s a lot of times I disciplined her for her mental health.

 I’ve apologized, but I know it has made a dent and has caused some damage in regards to trust. there are no closed doors when it comes to treatment. You keep searching until you find what works.

[00:21:35] Misty: Kelly, this sounds like you have a real growth mindset, which has been probably to your benefit because you have pursued the answers.

You have pursued growing. You’ve pursued how to parent your children. and thinking back to raising my children, I’m like, “Yeah, I totally erred on the side of the discipline that’s important to go back in heal, offer the repentance

But I want to ask you, because we talk a lot on this podcast about the mom. Yeah. And moms are very capable. extremely resourceful. gonna find the answer. If it’s not there, you’re gonna find the person with the answer. so how have you taken care of yourself in this journey where you have been so fighting for your husband and your children?

[00:22:38] Kelly: Okay. So this pattern of mine started when we moved here to Kansas City, and when my husband really started going through that depressive season, I was like, “Uh-uh, this is not gonna work.” So I get up every morning an hour before everyone else does, and I have my coffee, I watch the sunrise, but I find a Bible study and I just dig in.

And I study God’s word, I commune with him. It’s one hour of protected time that is mine. It is fully mine. I journal. I write out prayers. that’s just a very, magical time every day for me. that has been my connection to keeping myself grounded- Even through the worst of it. I’ve never doubted that he hasn’t been on this journey with us, and that’s because every morning I seek him out for his knowledge, for his wisdom, for his comfort, for his guidance, and that is where I have seen my own personal peace.

if God cares about all the birds in the backyard-

 They know where their home is. They know how to get food. They’re beautifully clothed and dressed.

[00:23:46] Misty: How

[00:23:47] Kelly: does he not care about if my child tries a new medication?

[00:23:51] Misty: I just released this week a podcast about beholding it is about when we’re so broken [00:24:00] and we can’t lift anything. The only thing we can lift is our eyes.

 like you said, you look to the sunrise.

[00:24:09] Misty: You look to the birds of the air, which is what he invites us to, right?

Cause he wants us to lift our e- … I’m sure there have been so many days where you’re just like, “I can’t. I don’t know how I’m going to do this again today.”

 you’re lifting your eyes.

That’s so powerful and so beautiful. There’s a prayer that Jehoshaphat prayed. I think it was in 2 Chronicles or something. And, they’re surrounded by the enemy and he says, “We don’t know what to do.”

 “

But our eyes are on you.” And so I just hear that’s what you choose to do, and that’s how you have maintained your resolve and maintained your ability to get up and stay in the game, what has your daughter’s story taught you about who God made her to be?

[00:25:03] Kelly: That has been an interesting lesson in acceptance, and I say that because she sees the world through different eyes, and she has experienced the world through different eyes. I had mentioned before about, the thought processes of someone who’s severely depressed, it’s hard to say God is good because all they see around them is darkness.

And so when I look at that and I think, “Man, this child has lived through some really deep depression for the majority of her teenage years,” like, 10 years on to 17, I have to wait because she’s not having the same experience. going to youth camp is torture for her. The loudness, the volume, the, the lights, the people, having to meet so many people all at once is so intimidating.

 That is torture to her.

So the typical journey of what a teenag- we think a teenager’s salvation story looks like, and I’m like, not for those with a mental health condition, in my opinion. it’s been a release to ask God to take her on her own journey and draw her to Himself and reveal Himself in a very personal way to her. And that is not something I can control.

[00:26:13] Misty: That’s a deep place of trust that we all need to be with our kids, that I think He invites us-

to let Him be God.

I think I have heard whispers of you desiring the church to be a part of this conversation.

 you’ve used the example of the church and our expectations what we think it should look like. “Well, why is your child not in youth group?” But if a mom is sitting in a congregation that isn’t talking about mental health-

and she’s struggling- … how would you encourage her?

[00:26:52] Kelly: For me, it was really hard to start getting help outside the church. ‘

[00:26:56] Misty: Cause you want the church to be the one-

[00:26:59] Kelly: and I want it to be filtered with the Word, and I want it to be faith. But I find many believers just seeking answers and support and understanding and feeling seen.

Now, here’s the interesting thing. When my husband really started his treatment journey and really got a good grasp of what he was dealing with and how to get better I was a minister at a church at that time. And they oftentimes said, “How come he can’t…” Fill in the blank.

“How come he’s not here? so there was just kind of this, like- I don’t know, maybe a disapproval or disappointment with who he was as a minister’s husband.

And then we decided to do a lunch and learn for the church. we had my husband and another speaker come and share what life was like living with bipolar disorder. Share what their faith was like living with bipolar disorder. Share what it was like being in crisis, what it was like going through recovery, what it was like medication, all the things.

And I tell you, from that point, things changed. [00:28:00] Many people from the congregation came out and said, “I was hospitalized as I was a kid,” or, “I had a suicide attempt,” or, “My daughter has this,” or… it opened up that conversation in a very un-shaming way that was beautiful, and they accepted him.

And then their expectations of him changed, and they turned into just loving him right where he was at versus trying to change him all the time.

 I believe people who’ve lived with mental health conditions, they’re aware that they may not be fitting in- or that they may not be getting the relational benefit out of some groups.

[00:28:36] Misty: So the churches we have a lot to learn, but it is possible. Sometimes it just needs somebody that is willing to step up and say, “Hey, can we-” maybe do this workshop- but it’s also okay to look outside of the church.

[00:28:50] Kelly: I think education is power, unfortunately, sometimes that old mentality of it being a spiritual issue or a behavioral issue or a rebellion issue or whatever, I think we need to stop And educate ourselves on mental health conditions and the role of the brain- for a brain to have a lack of chemicals or a structural issue or even trauma changes the brain. I think church leadership may lead more on, we want people who are faithful, we want people to show up,

Versus let’s get down and know our people and be okay with a little mess.

Because it can get really messy.

[00:29:29] Misty: I think so much about Jesus, I was reading again about, who He says to invite to our home for dinner. We like to invite people that look like us and think like us, and He says, the unbelieving people do that” and, “Go invite the lame and the blind and the broken and the broken-hearted” He has a lot to say. about becoming that safe place and the accepting place. that’s what we’re called to do. What’s something that you wish other moms would stop saying- … to parents of kids with mental illness? What do we need to stop saying?

[00:30:14] Kelly: The first thing that comes to mind is the blaming. If she would not have- vaccinated, she wouldn’t be in this mess. Okay, I’m just gonna go crazy there. About this. If she wouldn’t feed him fast food all the time, they would probably not be ba-ba-ba, fill in the blank. You know, if she put him to bed at a reasonable time, they would not be this way.

[00:30:38] Misty: So how do you talk to other family members, extended family members, about your child that has a diagnosis-

[00:30:52] Kelly: I think that’s tough, because a lot of times it does come out of tension.

 when our daughter was diagnosed, we did share it, because we did feel like they needed to know that we were going to, A, hold her to a different standard, B, that it was not her fault why she may have acted certain ways in certain situations, and that there should be some empathy here.

Because she’s dealing with an uphill battle, and she does not need somebody in her ear from her family- condemning her because she can’t perform like fill in the blank.

[00:31:21] Misty: Is there something that you feel would be important for moms to know or hear?

[00:31:28] Kelly: The only thing I could think about is, when do you know when your child is in crisis? And I would just say that if you are seeing your child Have symptoms of like deep sadness, very weepy or angry, irritable paranoid, super anxious about small things that used to not be a problem, not sleeping, stomachaches, headaches, not eating.

Those are all signs that you need to pay attention to. And if they go on longer than two weeks, that’s when it needs to be a professional. [00:32:00] Asking questions like, “Are you feeling like you want to end your life?” Being very straightforward.

you’re not going to put that thought in their mind.

Trust me, that thought is already there if it’s

[00:32:09] Misty: there.

[00:32:10] Kelly: or, Really being there to listen and not judge. But if it is going on for longer than two weeks, I would say that adjustment that you’re seeing, the sleeping, eating, anxiety over crying, hopeless-

…

It’s time. that’s my opinion because it does take time to get into the doctor. It does take time to get a referral or to get to whatever’s next in their treatment, and it does take time for medication to work, if that’s your choice. So not all mental health conditions require medication.

That is a personal choice. So I just want to make that clear. But definitely start with your primary,

there’s a lot of physical illnesses that mimic mental health conditions. There’s a lot of things that your primary physician is going to be able to weed out, and then you will go to the next step.

Another thing is sleep. Sleep quality is so huge so I recommend sleep apnea test.

[00:33:00] Misty: if somebody wants to search for NAMI, because there’s so much-

great resources that NAMI can provide and- even if I wouldn’t have a NAMI in my area, are there virtual classes

[00:33:14] Kelly: I would go to nami.org and find your local affiliate, They’re gonna be experts on the local resources. They’re gonna know people and help navigate mental health treatment in your area.

 it’s really great to be able to go to a NAMI affiliate that understands the local resources that can help if you are uninsured or under-insured or need help with medication, they also have a class called Basics.

It is a six-week on-demand class it will go through the same things I talked about,

It’s fantastic, and it’s free. This is what NAMI does.

And there is an online tool that you can Google. it will ask you a ton of questions on your child’s age, gender, all the things, and then behaviors, and give you a starting point for what the doctors might be looking for if they were to see him or her.

Also, if you’re an adult or a teenager, you can go to Mental Health of America, and they have got free mental health screenings right there. So you get an immediate result, immediate next steps for the treatment and what to ask for when you go to the doctor.

[00:34:15] Misty: Now, are those pretty accurate?

 what about these mental health tests? Tell me, are they helpful?

[00:34:22] Kelly: I think there’s been, like, 24 million people that have gone through this.

[00:34:25] Kelly: It is well, well researched.

And like I said, there is nothing that compares to a diagnosis from a doctor, from a trained professional. But if you are not sure if what maybe you’re living with is on clinical grade or not, this is a great way just to get an idea

[00:34:44] Misty: Kelly, thank you. Thank you for the way that you hold your story with so much grace and so much hope. I know that there is a mom listening right now who needed every word of this. I wanna pull out three things I hope that you’re taking with you today. The first one is this: It’s not guilt, it’s grief. If you’ve ever blamed yourself for your child’s diagnosis, for your husband’s struggle, for the way your family looks different than you planned, Kelly named something really important today.

Guilt says, “I caused it.” Grief says, “I’m mourning what I’d hoped for.” Those are not the same things,

and you are allowed, even encouraged, to grieve. I have a terrific podcast episode. It’s episode number 22. There is such a thing as good grief.

It is a interview with my dear friend and Christian trauma coach, Lori Gaddu. [00:36:00] The second thing that I want you to take away is you don’t have to be an expert at mental health. You do have to be an expert observer of your person. Watch the sleep, watch the eating, watch the way that they move through their days.

The behavioral changes, they can happen overnight, and the people who love them the most are usually the first ones to notice. The third thing, and this, this is the one that has stayed with me since we recorded this episode. God has parented Kelly to parent her daughter That image of God the Father and how He not only cares for us, but He wants to parent us as we parent our children.

He is not a hands-off in the hard. . He is with you in the medication, in the trials, in the school calls, in the 2:00 AM moments. He guides. He whispers. He shows up. You can trust Him with the ones you love. Now, I wanna make sure that you leave here today with the resources that you need in your hand, because Kelly said it beautifully.

Education is power. Knowledge is where the support starts. If you wanna learn more about mental health conditions, find a support group, or just understand what your loved one might be experiencing, NAMI is a beautiful place to start.

It’s NAMI, N-A-M-I, .org. Free resources, classes, support groups, all led by people who’ve lived the experience. And if you’re watching your child and quietly wondering, the Child Mind Institute has a free symptom checker. I’m gonna put the link for that in the show notes, ’cause it’s a little long to mention.

There’s no pressure, no diagnosis with this. It’s just a place to explore the questions you maybe have been afraid to ask out loud. Beloved, here at Mom to Mom Mentoring, we want to help you shine more fully, and sometimes that means finding the support that was always available, you just didn’t know where to look.

If this episode resonated with you, would you share it with one mom who might need it? You don’t have to say much, just, “Hey, I thought of you.” That’s enough. I’m Misty Hughes. I’ll see you next week on Mom to Mom Mentoring.

Resources Mentioned

NAMI:  https://www.nami.org/
Child Mind Institute Symptom Checker: https://childmind.org/symptomchecker/

MISTY’S RESOURCES: 
Podcast Episode #22: There is Such A Thing As Good Grieving with Laurie Goddu


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