Saying Yes to Your Brave Desires: How Longing Becomes an Open Door to Growth

How Longing Becomes an Open Door to Growth

Stan Lipschitz had it exactly right on Suits when he said, “Louis, one of the foundational aspects of your faith is FAMILY.”

Oh, Dr. Lipschitz. You are singing my song.

Family is my jam — completely, unashamedly, through and through. I love my kids fiercely. Being surrounded by them fills something in me that nothing else quite touches. Above all else, I want them to know — bone deep — that I am for them.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not always great at this family stuff. But I like to think I’ve got a little piece of God’s heart in me on this one. Because more than anything, He wants His children to know how wide, how deep, how long, how strong His love is. He’s perfect at loving. I’m a work in progress.

Tell Me What You Want — What You Really, Really Want

So when my darling husband Craig asked me what I truly desired for my 60th birthday celebration, my answer came out without hesitation:

Family.

I just wanted to gather my kids and their significant others — to revel in the beauty of life together, to celebrate how far we had all come in five years. Simple. Beautiful. Everything.

Except there was a hitch.

We hadn’t all been together since what we now call — with a kind of tender shorthand — That Fateful Night in November 2019. That was the last time our whole tribe was in the same room. One family member had been quietly carrying years of heartache, hurt, and offense — and that night, it all came exploding out, leaving everyone shell-shocked. In the years that followed, we were all a little gunshy. A little uncertain about what might happen if we tried again.

The ache of longing for a real family reunion was very real. The possibility felt distant. And I found myself crying tears of frustration — tears I wasn’t entirely sure I had permission to cry.

I was trying to be brave enough to admit what I wanted. But it hurt to realize I had absolutely no control over making it happen.

The Guilt That Comes With Wanting

Have you ever been in that spot?

You’ve spent a lifetime pouring yourself out for others. You’ve mastered the art of putting everyone else’s needs first. And then someone looks at you — really looks at you — and asks, “What do YOU want?”

And something in you goes very quiet.

Maybe it feels selfish. Maybe it feels like you’re veering off the path of the woman you’re supposed to be. Whether it’s a career goal, a personal dream, a desire for a different kind of marriage, or something as simple as one birthday surrounded by the people you love most — it can feel almost dangerous to let yourself want it.

And then when you finally muster the courage to voice it out loud, you discover you’re powerless to make it happen.

That is a vulnerable place. Fraught with emotion. And it is also, surprisingly, holy ground.

Are you looking for more support navigating relationships with your adult children? Listen to Episode 52 of Mom~2~Mom Mentoring: Parenting Forward While Healing Backwards with Kim Damon. 

Even Jesus Said What He Wanted

Here’s something worth sitting with: even Jesus, in His most dire moment, expressed His desires to the Father.

In John 17, facing imminent suffering and death, He didn’t hold back. If you lean into that conversation, you can almost hear the Father ask — “Son, what do you want more than anything? Ask of me, and I’ll give you the nations for your inheritance.” (Psalm 2:8)

And Jesus answers.

He says — family.

He asks that we would be with Him. That we would experience the love He shared with the Father. That we would be one.

If the Son of God brought His deepest desires to the Father and was not turned away — perhaps it is not selfish for us to do the same.

An Invitation to Get Honest

So maybe it’s okay to wrestle with our desires. To explore what truly matters to us. To stop performing contentment we don’t quite feel.

Here’s a simple place to start:

Pause. Take a breath. And ask yourself — what do I really want?

Keep it open. Don’t edit it before it’s even out. Just let your heart speak.

Chances are, whatever surfaces will open a door to growth. Mine certainly did.

This Momma’s Dilemma

As a mom, I have found it genuinely difficult to let my kids navigate their own relationships. My instinct is to fix, to smooth, to manage the outcome.

My birthday situation was the perfect storm for every one of those instincts to kick in at full volume. I tried a few subtle things — just gentle nudges, surely — to help ensure my kids would work things out in time. That my birthday wish would unfold the way I’d imagined.

Instead, things got worse.

What I wanted was beyond my control. And the lesson that longing was teaching me — patience, restraint, the discipline of staying present without manufacturing outcomes — was not a comfortable one.

But here’s what I’ve learned through years of practicing restraint with my kids: when I hold back, when I give them space to work things out on their own terms and in their own timing, something beautiful happens. I listen more deeply. I love more genuinely. The relationships become freer. For them and for me.

The brave desire I couldn’t control was growing me in ways I hadn’t asked for — and absolutely needed. 

Understanding divine purpose has helped me navigate changing seasons of life. Enjoy listening to Podcast Episode 99: The Calling Shifts The Purpose Holds For Christian Moms

Divine Intervention Has Its Own Timing

Then, when I had genuinely stopped trying to make it happen — a quick Zoom call changed everything.

My dream of a family gathering was coming true.

God, in His mysterious and unhurried way, had been working behind the scenes the entire time. Doing the beyond what I could imagine work. Taking the ashes of That Fateful November Night and quietly, carefully creating something beautiful out of them.

And I had absolutely no clue.

As I prepared to step into a new decade, surrounded by the people I love most, something settled in me — a deep, quiet certainty that our desires are not too small for God’s attention, and our longings are not too messy for His hands.

For the Woman With a Brave Desire She’s Been Afraid to Name

Whatever you were courageous enough to acknowledge — even just to yourself, even in the quiet — here is what I want you to do with it:

1. Take it to God. Name it out loud to Him. Don’t sanitize it first.
2. Let Him work in you while you watch and wait — even in the areas you’d rather skip.
3. Let Him strengthen you in the places you didn’t know needed strengthening.
4. Find the gift in the waiting — it is rarely wasted time.
5. Hold on. Our God is always up to something good. Always.

Ready to Name Your Brave Desire Out Loud?

If you’ve been carrying a longing you haven’t known what to do with — I’d love to sit with you in it.

A Free Clarity Call is a gentle, honest conversation where we can begin to uncover what you truly want, what’s been keeping you from it, and what God might be building in you in the waiting.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

👉 Schedule your Free Clarity Call here

What brave desire have you been afraid to say out loud — and what would change if you did?