Ep 71: The One Step Most Moms Skip In Emotional Healing

Transcript

Misty: One of the things I’m most grateful for in life is the ability to learn and grow. My kids often tell me that one of the things they appreciate most about me is my willingness to keep learning, whether it’s in business, my marriage, my relationship with God. Or really about any area of life. And you know what?

They’re right. I always want to become a better version of myself as a mom of four amazing adults, I still hold true to the thought that my ceiling is their floor. As I continue to grow and have a mindset of growth, it opens the door for them to step into their new and unexplored places.

I firmly believe that my growth as a mother has always created a space for my kids to grow and develop, and as God takes me on a journey of refinement, it’s for the benefit of me and my posterity for my family. And for you, my beloved friend, even in this podcast, mom to Mom mentoring, I get to invite you along on that journey of growth, tweaks, changes, and fresh revelations.

Now, if you’ve known me for any length of time, you know I’ve worked hard to become emotionally intelligent. It’s taken me years to be able to place my hand on my heart and say, with. True confidence. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and my soul knows it very well, especially when it comes to my emotions.

But. It wasn’t always that way. As a little girl, I remember raging and being a bully. As a teen, I expressed my passion in somewhat questionable ways. As a young mom, I often felt like a pressure cooker spewing out on everyone, whether it was happy, sad, mad, glad, and yet, through 30 years of walking in intimacy with Jesus.

My father, my husband, my maker, he has sanctified me. He’s refined me. He has taught me that. All of me, my emotions, my wiring, my zeal were created by him. Yeah, sin distorts them, but he takes the ashes of my overzealous emotions or the responses to these emotions and brings forth beauty. Over the years I’ve learned.

It’s not just about tolerating my emotions, but to be thankful for them. And guess what? I’m still learning, which brings me to a few weeks ago, Craig, my handsome, hardworking hubby and I were having a discussion. Honestly, I don’t even remember what it was about. Just that we didn’t agree on something. And in that moment, I really wanted him to feel heard.

The next morning I was journaling in my Rosebud app, which I love by the way. It asks me every day, how do you feel? I wrote down words like positive and hopeful, but then.

I started to notice something else. It wasn’t a comfortable feeling. I wanted to get away from it. The word aggravation came to mind, and I felt all tense and irritated on the inside. Further exploration of that. Irritation helped me see that it was residue from the night before. as I gave space to actually consider my feelings, that word had just popped into my head and right then I knew I was about to have a God moment.

[00:04:10] Misty: I realized I had stuffed that feeling away. I’d put it in a box and shut the lid. Why? Because I judged it. I thought, it’s not right for me to be aggravated.

It’s silly. That’s bad, and that’s wrong. Calm down, be holy as he is. Holy suppress and smile. I wanted to prove to myself and my husband, although he had no clue this was even happening. What a good. Excellent woman I was, but in reality, I wasn’t naming it. I wasn’t feeling it. I wasn’t even letting myself notice it.

And honestly, I wasn’t freeing it, and that’s when it hit me. Even as a somewhat emotionally intelligent woman, I often sidestep my feeling instead of giving it space to breathe. That realization led me to update my free resource for you because it’s not just about naming, feeling and freeing your emotions.

It starts with noticing them.

Now, if this is your first time listening, let me pause and introduce myself. I’m Misty Hughes, a woman’s transformational life coach. I help [00:05:40] kingdom-minded moms like you, rediscover your God-given identity, realign with your values so that you can live, lead, and love with passion and purpose. I believe with all my heart.

That God does use all things for good, every conflict, every stress, every transition, to move us toward the best version of who he created you to be. my role as your coach and host is to always invite you into that growth process and when God reveals something to encourage you to receive it fully.

Yeah, that’s what Mom to Mom mentoring is all about. This is a podcast where I, along with a host of other mom mentors, have an opportunity to just grab a cup of coffee with you and share some of our learning, some areas where we have been refined and where you can find wisdom and bucket fools of grace and kindness.

And you don’t ever have to say, where are all the mentors, because they’re right here at your service. This is also the space where I have an opportunity to sit with kingdom minded moms like you, who are in the thick of it. Struggling with exhaustion, decision fatigue, trying desperately to meet the authentic you somewhere in the midst of coming and going.

This podcast is here to help you slow down, hear from heaven, and build rhythms of transformation so you can show up in life, purposeful and at peace.

As busy moms, I know you juggle with so much, and if you’re not intentional, growth stalls. So many women, I know, self included at many seasons of life live in survival mode. But when you position yourself with a growth mindset, when you expect God to speak, when you pay attention to what’s stirring inside of you,

That’s where transformation begins and emotions. They’re one of the ways that God speaks. Psychologists and neuroscientists remind us that emotions are neither good nor bad. They’re data. Signals messages of what is happening inside of you. And scripture affirms that God made us emotional beings. Your feelings aren’t mistakes, they’re invitations.

So today I want to walk you through a simple framework that helps you notice name, feel, and free your emotions in God’s presence.

 before we dive in, let’s get comfy. . If you can go ahead and grab that lukewarm coffee,, and let’s sit together two friends at a table talking about what’s real, because today’s practice just might reshape the way you handle your emotions.

 You know, the more I thought about that little moment of aggravation the more I realized, I think I’ve done this my whole life.

when something feels too small, too silly, or too shameful. I push it away, I hide it. Maybe you’ve done the same. Maybe for you it’s sadness, maybe jealousy or loneliness. You tell yourself, oh, that’s not important enough to feel, I should just get over it.

It’s not right. It’s bad. I shouldn’t feel this way as a believer, but here’s the truth, mom. Ignoring it doesn’t heal, pushing it down. Doesn’t make it disappear. It only builds the walls and God’s desire is not for you to live walled off, but free.

 This reminds me of a prayer that David prayed. It’s Psalm 1 39, 23 and 24. He says, search me God and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. See David, he wasn’t afraid of his emotions. He actually invites God into them.

He says, Lord, come notice these emotions with me. And that’s exactly what I’m showing you today on this mentoring podcast. And what I love is when science backs up the word of God, research from UCLA. Shows that when we put feelings into words, when you actually take time to label them, the emotional sin in your brain begin to calm and quiet down while the reasoning part of your brain lights up.

Psychiatrist, Dan Siegel calls it this, name it to tame. Mom, I am not making this up. God designed you this way. Emotions, they are not good or bad. They’re a God given gift. Their signals are messengers meant to lead you back to him. That’s why I’ve updated my name. It feel it free it Emotional guide. Here’s the new rhythm that we’re gonna walk through. [00:11:20] Notice it, name it, feel it free it. First step one, notice it. This is where it all begins, like it did with me. It means we have to slow down, breathe, and invite God’s presence.

Let whatever you feel rise up. Don’t fight it, which we typically do. Don’t judge it. Don’t run for it. Just notice. Be that Rosebud app for yourself and ask, what am I feeling right now? Where do I feel it in my body? sometimes just noticing it. Is the breakthrough. Then name it. Once you’ve noticed it, put words to it.

A word may even come to you like it did with me. Don’t just say bad or sad, be specific.

Maybe it’s deeper lonely, overlooked. Anxious jealous. In my updated guide, there’s a feeling wheel and and a feeling words list for you to use. Just download this guide at mom to mom mentoring.com/feelings. Giving that emotion a specific name activates the rational part of your brain, and it calms the fear center.

Remember it’s name it to tame it

Next step three. Feel it, and this one is one of the hardest. Let yourself actually experience the emotion. If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably labeled and judged your emotions as good or bad, positive or negative. Maybe you’ve even abandoned. Some of your emotions, cast them out, shut the door on them, told them they don’t belong because it’s not holy or it’s not spiritual.

Over 10 or 12 years ago, the Lord gave me this picture, that brought this truth home. I was in the place of prayer sitting quietly with him, and I envisioned myself in a warm, inviting cabin. The comforter, the Holy Spirit, was there tending to me a stew simmer on the hearth.

The glow of the fire filled the room, and I felt safe. And then. Emotions started to come. One by one they appeared. Some came into this space with excitement. They were ready to find a home. Some came hesitantly, unsure if they were even welcome. Emotions like betrayal, confusion, control, doubt, misunderstood, all walked in.

And then I realized. Rage, shame and fear. They weren’t far behind. Honestly, I did not want to see them, and I was afraid they’d take up too much space. They’d already had too much freedom in my life and I didn’t want them back, but the Holy Spirit started to whisper to my heart. You’ve banished these emotions.

 Because you labeled them as bad in your own mind. But beloved, they are a part of you. They are not here to destroy you. They are here to be tended, noticed and offered to me. If you’re going to be whole and holy unto the Lord, you need to welcome them home. That moment really began to change me. I began to realize that my emotions are simply information. They are signals. Cues. They tell me To approach or avoid to stay or move to draw, close or let go.

Research now shows that a fulfilling life actually includes what we would normally call both negative and positive emotions.

In other words. All of the emotions. Now, the ones that we would label as negative, they may not be pleasant to feel, but beloved, they prepare you for challenges. They motivate you to take action, and they signal you when you need help or comfort. Okay, let’s take fear for example. It is not enjoyable to feel the emotion of fear, but it gets you out of the way when a ball is flying at your head or alerts you that a spider is crawling towards you.

Fear can help you avoid a place or a person that may not be safe for you. What about disappointment and discouragement? They don’t feel good, but they open the door for others to comfort you or to offer help, and no man or woman is created to be an island. I.

Emotions are like waves and they rise, they peak and they fade.

Studies show that they typically will last only about 90 seconds in the body. Unless you keep fueling them with your thoughts. now. For those who have experienced abuse or trauma, emotions can feel locked up and overwhelming. And in those cases, walking with a trusted counselor can be [00:17:00] such a helpful healing step.

But the invitation is this, instead of running away from emotions. Turn and face them. Breathe. Let the wave of that emotion wash over you and remember God is with you in it right now. I invite you to pause and ask yourself, what emotion have I been avoiding or judging as bad? What would it look like to simply sit with that feeling in God’s presence without trying to fix it, justify it, or push it away?

Take a moment to write it down, whisper it in a prayer, or just breathe and acknowledge it. Sometimes that simple act of noticing, naming, and feeling is where your deepest healing begins The next step, step four, is to free it. Yeah. Finally release it. Offer it to God. Hold that emotion in your hand. Lift it up to the Lord.

Pray. Lord, I feel angry. Lord, I feel neglected. Lord, I feel so lonely. Thank you for being with me in it. I release this emotion to you. Show me what I need right now. this surrender is what will turn your emotion into your invitation for intimacy with God. Beloved, even good emotions can be hard to notice and sit with.

Not long ago. a good friend spoke words of affirmation over me. She did this consistently. You know what I wanted to do? Every time she did this, I wanted to run hide, just brush it off or deflect it.

But instead, I decided to practice these steps I recognized what it was, admiration. I noticed it. I let myself feel it, and I gave it and surrendered it back to God, and the next time she said something kind, I looked her in the eye and I said, thank you. I really value your words of appreciation and admiration.

And when I responded by receiving her admiration and her appreciation, I was shocked. So was she. But it felt right. It felt Mm, holy, it felt pure. That’s what freedom looks like. That’s what freedom feels like.

So here’s your one thing this week, ask yourself, how do I feel? Don’t rush it. Don’t judge it. Just notice. Because when you notice you can name it. When you name it, you can really feel it when you feel it. You can be free.

Friend, if this episode spoke to your heart, here’s what I’d love to ask you to do. Download the free guide notice name. Feel free, A Prayer guide for Emotional Wholeness. It’s at mom to mom mentoring.com/feelings. Also, would you share this episode with a friend who needs to know that she’s not alone? And leave a review on your favorite podcast app.

It helps other moms find the encouragement that they’re looking for right here. Beloved, you are created to live Whole, to love well, and to Shine. Today, I want to read Matthew five to you from the message verses 14 through 16.

Here’s another way to put it. You are here to be light, bringing out the God colors in the world. God is not a secret weapon to be kept. We’re going public with this as public as a city on a hill.

If I make you light bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket. Do you, I’m putting you on a light stand now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand, shine, keep open house. Be generous with your lives by opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous father in heaven.

So remember, mom, when you shine, you give others permission to shine too.

This is just us, talking. If you want more, here’s where to find me.

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When you shine, you give others permission to shine too. ✨