Ep 108: The One Word Moms Need To Quit Saying with Mary Gallagher

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Transcript

Misty: . [00:00:00]

25 years ago, I was at a conference, one of those ministry events where you’re running from session to session, taking notes, absorbing everything, and trying to come back a better woman, a better mom, a better servant of the Lord and lover of Jesus. And I ended up at the water fountain, just a quick stop, and I started chatting with a young woman I knew.

 she said something that is with me still today. She said, “I feel like God is inviting me to take three words out of my vocabulary: could, should, and need.” honestly, my first reaction was, “Huh?” Because as a Christian woman, those words weren’t just words to me.

They were the whole framework of how I led my life and loved [00:01:00] Jesus. What should I be doing? Who do I need to be? What could I do better? The list felt like faithfulness. It felt like I at least owed God something for what he had done for me.

But remember, something she said stayed with me, and all these years later, through my own process and journey, I realized that that was a powerful word from the Lord, not only to my friend, but to me as well. Those words, words, they weren’t producing peace. They weren’t ushering in the kingdom of peace.

Instead, they kept me in a constant state of striving, in a state of shame because I wasn’t enough, and I could never be [00:02:00] enough. And if you’ve ever caught yourself using those four words, I should be, I need to, I shouldn’t feel this way, well, mom, today’s episode is just for you. My guest today is Mary Gallagher.

She’s a writer, a spiritual guide, and she’s founder of Promised Land Mindset. And in a moment, you’re going to hear something that she said to me in this conversation that I’m still thinking about. Here’s a taste

Mary: fear was really coming at me hard. And God spoke very clearly to me as he usually does in these moments, and said, Mary, you can choose faith or you can choose fear, but whatever you choose right now in this moment is gonna be so crucial. It’s gonna take you down one path or [00:03:00] the other.

Choose now.

Misty: Yeah. That’s the conversation that we’re having today, and I have a feeling that you needed to hear this right where you are as well. Hey there. Welcome to Mom to Mom Mentoring. I am so glad you’re here, whether you’re a first-time listener or you come back every Thursday.

Welcome to the table. This is a weekly podcast offering soul-nourishing wisdom for Christian moms who desire peace, presence, and to live, lead, and love with purpose right in the middle of real life.

I’m Misty Hughes. I’m an ICF-certified life coach. I’m an international ministry leader. I founded the Single Mom KC, and I am the creator of the Rhythm of Life framework. I’m a mom of four adult children, and I [00:04:00] am Grammy to six. I’ve spent more than 25 years helping Christian women move from overwhelm into peace, clarity, and live their life by God-aligned rhythms, and I believe to my core you were made to shine, and that when you shine, you give others permission to shine, too Here’s what I know about the mom who’s listening right now. You are trying so hard. You are doing so much, and somewhere underneath all that effort is a quiet, exhausted voice asking, ” Is this it? Is this what faithfulness looks like?” Mary Gallagher, my guest today, she lived that too. She knows the weight of the should list, the pressure to be the [00:05:00] perfect Christian wife, a perfect mom, a perfect church member.

She carried it for years, and the freedom she found on the other side is exactly what I want for you. Today, we’re talking about parenting from faith instead of fear, and what it looks like to really lay down that striving and actually receive what God has for you, and how to recognize the shoulds in your life that are quietly keeping you trapped.

Now, before we get into it, there’s two quick things First, Come To The Table. Yeah, I’m inviting you, the Holy Spirit is inviting you to Come To The Table.

It’s a four-day women’s retreat anchored out of the Song of Solomon 2:4. “He brought me to His banqueting table and His [00:06:00] banner over me is love.” This retreat is designed for exactly the kind of woman that we are talking with today, the woman who is done striving and desires to lay it all down, the woman who is hungry for something real.

Registration is now open at mistyhughes.com/cometothetable. The link, it’ll be in the show notes. if a retreat sounds like a, ooh, big step, start small. Grab my free Rhythms of Renewal mini guide. It’s a beautiful place to begin just creating space for God to meet you. No striving, no pressure, just a starting place.

And you can download that for free at

mistyhughes.com/resources. [00:07:00] That will also be in the show notes. okay,

 Now, let me tell you a little bit about my guest, Mary. Mary Gallagher is a writer. She’s a spiritual guide for women who are weary of striving, tired of living under the weight of who they think they should be.

After walking her own wilderness season, Mary discovered that identity isn’t something you achieve, it is something you receive as daughters of the King of Glory. She helps women reconnect with who they truly are and rediscover the freedom of belonging to Christ. One of Mary’s most beautiful gifts is this: she can see the bigger story that God is writing over someone’s life, even when that woman is standing right smack [00:08:00] dab in the wilderness,

She calls it a Promised Land mindset, and it is just as rich as it sounds. Mary’s also a mom, and some of her greatest lessons didn’t come from a conference or from a curriculum. Also, her happy place, it’s her pool, which makes total sense because there’s something about water that makes you slow down, breathe, and remember that growth happens in quiet rhythms, not frantic striving.

And Mary, she is built for this conversation that we’re about to have. So, Mom, here’s what I wanna invite you to do. Find a comfortable spot if you can. Maybe get a cup of coffee or if you’re in the carpool line or on a walk, wherever you are, I want you to come to this conversation with [00:09:00] your hands open,

‘Cause Mary is going to talk about exactly what that means, and I have a feeling that you are going to feel the shift. Mary, welcome to Mom to Mom Mentoring. I am so glad you’re here.

I think one of the hardest things for moms it’s, we’ve called it mom guilt. We call it different things, but it’s that burden that we carry, that we are responsible for how these kids are gonna turn out for their future. So how do you tell the difference between what would be a healthy responsibility and unhealthy striving?

Mary: When it comes to striving, I think all women strive to some degree in an [00:10:00] and are perfectionist to some degree, even if you don’t register yourself as that. Then when it comes to motherhood add another layer, like you said, mom, guilt is very real. And we get a lot of messages from the outside and dare I say, even from the church that you better do things right or else.

I’d like to share a story about my son, which God brought me to a crossroads of, you’re gonna choose faith or you’re gonna choose fear. And that was really big to me.

And so to preface this, my first born was B. My first born son was born with a liver disease and had a lot of health issues. So, there was a lot of mom guilt. Did I cause something? a lot of control over his life to keep him healthy and a alive

So when my second son came, you know, it was almost like a, a second chance, a do over. Like, he was easygoing, he was healthy. I came into motherhood with perfectionism, striving, gotta do it [00:11:00] all right. and then having a sick child that just kinda like, it was very hard for me to let go.

But, um, so my, my youngest was, oh, in high school and I had been working. A lot, 60, 70 hours a week in the corporate world. And that included travel. and I kept telling myself, it’s okay. It’ll be okay. They’re good kids, they’re teenagers now. I don’t need to be there. It’ll all be okay.

And one day I was driving, and I had about a two hour drive to my, location. as soon as I got off the freeway, I got a phone call from the high school assistant principal telling me my son was in the principal’s office. And it was pretty serious. And I was like, okay, zip around, get back on the freeway and go home.

And there was a real kind of like moment of when I realized, I. went into panic mode.

Like any good parent would, like, oh my God, it’s my fault. And Oh no, I have to control this kid [00:12:00] because this is a, this is a gang drug. he’s a good kid. He’s an honors student, but he got down the wrong road and I haven’t been around enough. Now I’m gonna stay home and I’m gonna, clamp down on all this.

 I’ll never forget it, I was sitting on the edge of my bed at the foot of my bed, and I just started praying and I said, God, I need your help. I, I, this is every parent’s nightmare, right? What am I gonna do? To help this kid get back on track and not go in the wrong direction.

 fear was really coming at me hard. And God spoke very clearly to me as he usually does in these moments, and said, Mary, you can choose faith or you can choose fear, but whatever you choose right now in this moment is gonna be so crucial. It’s gonna take you down one path or the other.

Choose now. I mean, it was, it was that clear and I said, Lord, I choose faith.

 And I mean, immediately my heart settled. and so I just began to trust that God was in control, not me. [00:13:00] And that really helped me focus on the relationship with my son instead of the behavior my boys were very involved in church and they were very close to their youth pastor. And he called me when he got wind of my son’s indiscretions and he said, Mary, what are we gonna do I said what can we do? I, can’t physically control this child. He’s 16, it’s not like I’m raising a 4-year-old. I have a almost grown man. There’s not something I can do as much as, walk through this process and try to, help him make the right choices.

And he was very frustrated with me, Misty. ’cause he felt I wasn’t taking the situation seriously enough. And interestingly, he calls my oldest son and he says. What are we gonna do? Your mom? She’s she doesn’t get it. She’s just throwing her hands in the air and giving up and, she’s in fear [00:14:00] mode And my son, who was like a proud mom moment, he said, is quite the opposite. She’s not throwing her hands in the air with fear. she’s giving it to God. she’s okay. And I was like, oh, that was, he saw that he saw that I was walking in that that, peace I guess.

And that rest of letting God anyway, long story short, there were a few months that it was, hard, but every time I would, I wanted to jump into that fear or the panic. I would just say, no, I chose this path of not going the other way because fear and faith can’t be together, right?

One’s gonna kick the other out. And eventually my son saw my mom is not interested in controlling me as much as he, she is in supporting me and having a relationship with me. And he eventually just worked it all out on his own and got his little act together. And he is of course, now quite the responsible good human being that we all hope we’re going to raise.

 it’s such a [00:15:00] memorable moment of when God just said, choose faith or choose fear, but you cannot choose both.

Misty: Yeah. I feel like he’s saying that to so many moms wherever they’re at right now. that we get to choose that. that’s a daily invitation.

 it would’ve been so easy to say, you’re grounded. You can’t have the car, you can’t do this. You’re, gimme your phone doing all these things to, help them face the consequences of what they do. That’s wrong. where do consequences come in?

Mary: that’s a really good question because us parents, of course, we want our kids to understand the consequences, right?

We did ground him immediately just as okay, we need a reset and we need to get control of the situation and learn more about the extent of what we were dealing with.

But a real big turning point came was when we went to the school, he had a hearing before the school board, members of the school board [00:16:00] because his infraction had occurred at school and there was a zero. Tolerance policy. And we sat there and we were all, we’re all in for consequences, discipline, all of that.

But as this whole thing played out and the principal and the assistant principal and another member of the school board it became really clear that they were not interested in the best interest of our child. They just wanted to set an example and they wanted, and they were literally just treating him as if he had been a criminal.

And I said, and I was getting more and more stressed as this was going on. And thank god my husband was there. ’cause he is very levelheaded. And he finally, he let them have their say, but we could see our son just slink sinking down in his chair. And I could see that this was another one of those do or die moments.

Like, how are we gonna support our son? But he still needs to understand the consequences of what he did. [00:17:00] And so my husband spoke up and he just said we’ve listened to everything you had to say. And it’s, it seems like a very severe sentencing for a child. This kid is never been in trouble before.

He’s never been in your office for anything. He’s an honors student. He’s in AP classes. How can we work together to get him back on track instead of maybe pushing him farther down this trajectory that we don’t want him to go? And I just sat there and immediately, like my whole body just relaxed.

Wow. And I was like, you Holy Spirit for giving my husband the words. And I could see my son then all of a sudden sit up and go, wait, my parents are on my side. Because ultimately. We have to believe in our children. And it was so interesting. After that, I could see the whole everything in the room just shifted and they realized they weren’t in control, but we were [00:18:00] gonna do what was best for our child.

And that was a pivotal moment for my son. He saw that we were for him, not against him. Not that he hadn’t done anything wrong. it was very vulnerable. ’cause as parents, we don’t always wanna be vulnerable, right? We don’t want our kids to know we’re struggling or we don’t know what to do.

We wanna look like we’re in control. . And we would have these conversations where he’d be like, mom, I’m going out. Like the, parameters were, if you’re going out, you just need to be honest with me where you’re going and who you’re gonna be with.

And you need to be home at a certain time so I can go to sleep and not worry. He agreed to all that. And then I agreed to, that he could then go out and I say I at this time, because my husband had moved to another state to take a new job, so I was navigating this on my own, as you understand, right?

Misty: Yeah.

Mary: And we would have these conversations and I would say, okay, you’re going with this group of people and this is my concern. And I wouldn’t say, [00:19:00] those are bad kids and I don’t want you. I’d just say, this is my concern. This is what I’m worried about. So that was an opportunity for me to be more vulnerable with him. And I could see like he, he just, his whole demeanor just softened and softened because he was like, I don’t want my mom to be concerned about me.

So he would assure me, And then I’m telling you, Misty, there were times when he would actually come home early, because you know how that is? Like when you give your little kids their bedtime, they fight it. But when you say pick your own bedtime, they go to bed when you want ’em to

Misty: uhhuh,

Mary: he would come home early and he would not be, under the influence.

And he would be like, that was dumb party. I’m not going there anymore, I just saw. This, change in him. So it was this balance of, okay, I’m gonna have my parameters because you need to understand that I have feelings and fears and concerns for you, and I want what’s best for you, but I’m also gonna extend some trust on your side.

And I think that was the most [00:20:00] important thing, was that he felt that I trusted him.

Misty: Mary, as I’m listening to you, it sounds like, you really were able to parent, from a place of wealth, choosing faith, but you could choose faith because of your relationship with the Lord. Because you knew him, you know who you are. it shifts something when we parent from that knowledge of not just who God is, but who we are And that’s what I hear. the peace and the calm that you were able to maintain and build relationship with your son out of that place. when your boys were younger, what did that look like for you to parent out of that identity with toddlers or young ones?

Mary: I wish I [00:21:00] could say I had a little more of that identity then, but I was a bit of a stressed mom. You know how hindsight is 2020? Yeah. If I could do things differently. There was a lot of pressure in my life to perform.

I was hearing that mostly from the church. There was a lot of pressure to do and be, and act and serve at the same time.

Raising children at the same time, working on a marriage at the same time, working full time all these things. It just, and I was not handling stress as well as I thought I did, but I remember a moment too when the same son, Sean we were spun. We were painting dressers for their room.

They were, little then, and we were making this, woody and buzz light years, toy story theme and stars on the ceiling and all that. So I bought these old dressers and I taught them how to sand and prime and paint. It was just such a great experience and we were [00:22:00] enjoying it. And then we were sponge painting red, white and blue stars on the dresser.

And of course I, being the perfectionist, I was like trying to place them perfectly and tell them how to do it. And Sean was maybe like four and he is always been a very creative child and thinks outside the box. And he took his sponge and he kinda swiped it like that. And immediately I said, which, hindsight, again, a good parent wouldn’t have said, but I said, oh, Sean, you smudged it.

And he didn’t even miss a beat. He didn’t feel bad. He just said, no, mom, that’s a shooting star. And I was like, oh my gosh, the Lord just stopped me in my tracks. that was so Pivotal, like you said, the smudges there’s so much pressure to raise good kids.

And then in the church it’s this pressure of what is everyone gonna think if my kids go a little off the rails?

I don’t know where I heard it, but I heard somebody [00:23:00] say, we need to stop shooting on ourselves. And I thought that was really powerful. And it’s been part of this journey that I’ve been on for a long time. Like I said, laying down the voices of others let me try to go back a little bit without dragging it on.

But when I was a baby Christian and newly married very young, I was basically accosted, I don’t know other way to say it, by my pastor. And he cornered me in a kind of a private place and he was literally jabbing his finger at me and telling me. That I wasn’t doing what he thought I should do with my life, even though I was teaching at a Christian school and I was regularly in his church and that I and I just was flabbergasted.

And I said, are you telling me to fit some kind of a Christian bold? And he said, that’s exactly what I’m telling you. Fit the mold, Mary, fit the mold. And, but at the time this whole conversation was over, I was devastated and I was in tears and I was this new Christian, I [00:24:00] thought, this is where I belonged.

I was gonna be accepted. I was on this spiritual high, I was working in a Christian school and this man was telling me I wasn’t good enough and I wasn’t doing the right things and fit the mold, and it that, that, that just stuck with me. And so my perfectionism just went zero to 60.

And I was determined. I was never ever gonna let anybody. Be able to say those things to me again. I was gonna be a straight a Christian, that was my protection is, that protection armor went on. Like I was gonna be such a good Christian that nobody could ever point their finger at me again, which I realize now, of course, it’s absolutely ridiculous.

And I also realize now he was looking back and everything else I learned, he is just a misogynist. And I’m sorry to say that, but there are misogynists and narcissists in the Christian world and in churches and in leadership. All that to say I adopted a very strong should [00:25:00] mindset. I should do this as a Christian.

I should not do this as a Christian. A good Christian woman should do this, should not, a good Christian wife should not. And it, the more misty, the more I tried to squeeze myself into that mold. I, just I, say this in my book I just became like a jello mold and a, that was pouring outta the sides.

It was just a big sugar laden mess. I wasn’t conforming to the mold because God never asked, conformed to the mold. this did affect my parenting. It affected my marriage and my parenting. ’cause I was very tightly wound trying to be so perfect for everybody that I was just I was a stress filled mom and a stress filled wife.

And so it did affect my parenting. So that’s where all the shoulds came from. And it wasn’t until several years ago that I started unraveling all of this, the toxic teaching, the perfectionism, [00:26:00] learning who I was in Christ, that I started identifying the shoulds. And so I wrote an article about it. I call it

The dirty word Christian women need to stop saying so.

And that’s why I created that that free guide that that women get. Yeah.

Misty: tell us about what you have for us.

Mary: Okay. Yes. So I created a free guide. It’s just a few pages long. If you do feel like you’re living for other people’s expectations or you feel like you’re disappointing everybody all the time.

And that’s really how I felt. I didn’t feel I was good enough at work. I didn’t feel I was a good enough wife. I didn’t feel I was a good enough mom. And at the end of the day, what it really hurt me the most was I I felt like I was disappointing God most of all. And if you are living with that, you know that I should do this or I shouldn’t do that.

’cause it works both ways, right? How many times have you heard women say, I shouldn’t feel this way, but, or, I know I shouldn’t say this, but [00:27:00] we’ve gotta get that word out of our vocabulary. Like literally just today, stop using the S word. So what this guide will help women do is just identify some of the shoulds by, being conscious of it.

Once you’re aware of it you start to see how much you’re doing it and you start to see where it’s shaping your behavior and your identity. So once they walk through that and then I teach them how to find biblical truth, to replace that should. So for example as a mom, I shouldn’t care about my personal fulfillment.

I should do the things that people say I should do this, and that. And then the truth would be, you know what Jesus wasn’t a people pleaser. Jesus would even say when his, when people would say, even his brothers I think said, Hey, you should go to Jerusalem and you should do this or that.

And I remember Jesus saying, [00:28:00] that’s fine for you, but that’s not my calling. I shouldn’t, and Jesus never did anything based on should. Right?

So recognizing that, I think it’s just gonna give women that peace where they can stop the striving and trying so hard, and then God can come in with his voice and God does not drive or push he invites.

And that’s a very different story than should, isn’t it?

Misty: It is, and it is so grace-filled. And I was just thinking when you talked about Jesus was never driven by the shoulds. It goes back to what you were saying. He said, I only do what I see the father doing. And that goes back to what you were saying earlier we’ve got to hear what God is inviting us into and how he’s inviting us to walk those are shaming words when we are holding ourself to this standard.

Mary: You’re right. [00:29:00]

Misty: We’re never gonna, we’re never gonna be enough.

Mary: Exactly. How can we ever be enough? Yeah. And that’s the whole message of grace.

You’re not enough. But I fill in the gap. You

Misty: uhhuh ‘

Mary: cause striving in the should. It and, it is driven by shame, and I think if anyone is listening to this and you deal with perfectionism, that is the root of it. It’s shame. And when that man shamed me. I went into full on perfectionist driving mode because I never wanted to feel that shame again.

 if we can realize, God is never ever shaming us, that’s not the voice of God. We can let that go. When you’re young it’s hard ’cause you wanna do well, all I ever wanted was for God to be happy with me. And I remember a similar conversation I was teaching at the Christian school and kind of all this stuff had played out and I was dealing with some other abuse in the church and I just felt 24 7 God [00:30:00] was angry with me.

Now how I was saved and thought that I don’t know, but I did. And I remember walking into the teacher’s lounge in one of the older, lovely Christian teachers was there, and she looked at me and I was making a cup of tea. And she said, Mary, how you doing? I said, I don’t know Sharon. I said, I just feel like God’s angry at me all the time.

And she just, the Holy Spirit gave her the verse from I believe it’s from Isaiah, for the Lord longs to have compassion on you. He, is just waiting to have compassion on you. And I just started crying and it was a real, I still to this day we’re connected on Facebook on, remember that day in the teacher’s lounge because it started some of the crumbling of striving.

It didn’t happen overnight. Trust me, I’ve been in the wilderness a long time. But it started a little crumbling in my heart of God’s not angry with me. God wants to show me compassion. Why am I beating myself up and [00:31:00] everyone else around me?

Misty: The little water cooler moments. I remember the Lord kept saying, out of Hosea, I will allure you to the wilderness. And there I will speak kindly to you. there’s gonna be an a way that we look at him that changes in the wilderness I’m like, I don’t wanna go to the wilderness, but you have good things for us in the wilderness and you even have a promised land how does, that fit in with your journey and where’s your promised land?

Mary: my promised land is purpose.

I used to think my promised land was prosperity.

When I lost my job in 2023, God said, do you wanna go around this mountain again or do you wanna go to the Promised Lamb? And I knew that he meant you’re not going back to the corporate world, which I call it corporate slavery. Okay. I know that sounds harsh, but really that’s the image he gave me. That was my Egypt corporate slavery, because I, when I was working 60, 70 hours a week for someone [00:32:00] else’s empire, I didn’t have time for God dreams.

And and so God called me out of that and I wandered in the wilderness and that’s when God showed me, he’s my provider. He is like you said, my husband, my father, Abba all these things. And then when I started making money online and I realized he wanted me to finish writing my book, I was like, okay, so the promised land is gonna be prosperity.

And I kept talking that message. And then God said to me one day, Mary. You do realize the promised land is as much about purpose as it is about prosperity. Whoa. Back again. Wow, God, whoa, there’s the journey he takes us on. It’s so much more than what we think it is, right? We think we understand it.

His ways are higher. His thoughts are wiser. He has so much of a bigger purpose, and I’m starting to see that purpose unfold now, I never thought that God would connect me with my people like [00:33:00] you. like so many others that all of a sudden like all boom these connections are happening so easily.

For me, I really thought I’d wander in the wilderness by myself forever. I honestly did. I never pictured what my promised land could look like in the form of purpose. so inside my promised land mindset community, I have an inner circle group called Slayer Giants with six women. and the breakthroughs that they’re having are amazing, the testimonials that are coming out of this.

And they’re saying things like, I don’t wanna stop being part of this group ’cause I wanna continue to become the person that God wants me to be. And for me, that is my purpose. Helping women walk in that God-given identity, not in molds, not in expectations, not listening to the shoulds, but listening to God and just resting in that identity because that’s how we help other women get [00:34:00] free, right when we’re free.

So that’s the whole Promised Land journey. There’s a little bit more to it than that, but in a nutshell, that’s this vision God’s given me and it’s just gets clearer and clearer as I walk through it.

Misty: I think we need to put on a new lens about what the wilderness, the good things that come from the wilderness.

Hey as we close up, I always. I have a couple more questions, but this is, I think, key, especially for the moms that are listening, is, we’re talking about the promised land. We’re talking about purpose being the promised land. It’s where there is life, where there is abundance, where there is joy, where there is peace.

All those things that we read about in the word and we’re striving to try to find. What is like one shift, one thing a mom might be able to do to move [00:35:00] her toward. Her promised land like you said, it’s a journey. Yeah, it’s a process. It’s what you do. It’s what I do. As coaches, as mentors, as leaders.

We, we help women discover and walk on that journey with them, and we’re fulfilling our purpose and they’re discovering. But what would you coach women to do to start to move the needle back towards their promised land?

Mary: That’s a really good question, and I think for everybody, it looks so different depending how far we are in the Egypt and how stuck we are in the shoulds and the perfectionism.

But the two words that come to me are just let go because we hold so tightly. To what we think our life should look like. We hold so tightly to this path and this pattern that, we think we are supposed to be on. But when we [00:36:00] just let go and let God reshape and uncover who we really are, so we can walk in that, so I know that doesn’t sound like a real action plan, but I think it can definitely start with the shoulds.

That’s a good first step. Let go of the shoulds, then let go of the expectations and just come to God with this open hands of letting go. Because he always has something so much better than what we’re holding. So tight-fisted to there is this open handed image that God’s been giving me of Letting go and giving, but also opening and receiving. Open hands, open heart, open mind, letting go.

Misty: Yeah. That’s good. Okay. That one thing women have listened to our conversation. You’ve shared so many beautiful aha moments, great stories. but as we’re [00:37:00] closing if mom doesn’t remember anything else, What do you want mom to know?

Mary: I did a conference for women and so many people said that years later, they still remember this one thing that I said. just because you can, doesn’t mean you should, and I don’t mean the should and the negative, but there’s so many things that come to us, right?

We have so many options and choices in the world right now. We talked about that, events and sports and church, and there’s so many things. And you could, as a mom, stretch yourself so thin that you’re living from exhaustion. And you’re living from stress. But I can promise you it will start to impact your relationships and your health.

So just because you can be supermom and do all these things, and I know we are capable, we are amazing women. We can, and [00:38:00] the Proverbs 31 women, we’re gonna live up till that it’s okay that you don’t do it all. it’s really okay. and God is actually saying, please stop trying to do it all and just be the mom I called you to be.

And that’s gonna look very different for every person, and don’t worry about what other people say or do, or the comparison. So just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

Misty: I think there’s been so many times, that I could do something.

And if I am doing it all, I’m not leaving space for God? I’m denying God? that is a good, word for all of us to remember. So Mary, thank you so much. Great

Mary: conversation. We covered a lot of territory. I know. But, thank you so much for having me. It was wonderful.

 oh, [00:39:00] my friend, I hope you felt what I felt in that conversation. If I could hand you one thing to carry into your week, just one, It would be the image that Mary gave us near the end of the conversation. Open your hands. She said it so simply and so beautifully. letting go and receiving are the same gesture.

Misty: You can’t do either with a closed fist. And I want you to think about that because every should that you’ve been holding, every need to, every I should have done better, every why can’t I get this right, that is a fist. And God is waiting, not with a list of what you still owe Him or still should be doing, but with something you haven’t been able [00:40:00] to receive because your hands have been too full of trying.

So right now, wherever you are, I want to invite you to do what Mary said. Just open your hands physically if you can. It sounds simple, but sometimes the simplest things are the most defiant acts of faith we will ever do And if this conversation opened up something, I wanna give you that place to land.

My Rhythms of Renewal guide, remember, it’s free, and it is designed to help you create that space to hear God’s voice, space where the striving can finally quiet down. And you can download that at mistyhughes.com/resources. If you’re interested in Mary’s [00:41:00] work, if the Promised Land Mindset is calling your name, grab her free guide, Shedding the Shoulds,

The link for that will be in the show notes as well. And please subscribe if you haven’t already, and come back next week, because next Thursday, I’m sitting down with Katina Wilkins, and we’re gonna talk about something that every single one of us is navigating in some way, shape, or form: how to love the difficult people in our lives, the people who cost us more than we feel like we have to give.

You’re gonna want this conversation. Now, you came into this episode carrying something, maybe a list, maybe it was a version of yourself trying to live up to something that isn’t quite you. Maybe it was that quiet, tired feeling of just never being [00:42:00] enough. And Mary said it plainly, “God is not the voice saying you’re not enough.”

That is not his voice. He is the one longing to have compassion on you. He is the one waiting, not with a report card, but with open arms for you to stop running long enough to meet with him and feel that warm embrace. Here’s the thing. A city on a hill, it can’t be hid, and neither do you light a lamp and stick it under a bushel. No, you put the lamp on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.

You, beloved, are here to be that light. You bring out the God colors in the world. And here’s what Mary showed us today. You [00:43:00] cannot shine from a fist. Shine happens when hands are open and we stop gripping so tight- To what we think we should do, to who we think we should be, we open up to who God says we are.

Your smudge might be a shooting star. Your wilderness might be where He’s waiting to speak kindly to you. And your promised land, your purpose, might be closer than you think.

Next Thursday, I’m sitting down with Katina Wilkins, life coach, Bible teacher, and author of Love Is Complicated, and we’re going to talk about how to love the people in your life who are genuinely hard to love. If you have a relationship right now that is costing you more energy than you feel like you have to give, [00:44:00] you’re not gonna wanna miss this episode.

Subscribe now so it lands right in your inbox. I’m Misty Hughes. You’ve been listening to Mom to Mom Mentoring. Now, go shine.

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